Internet Chaos & Shitposting - Mar 14

There has to be a way to reset Germans to factory settings.

— @wylfcen

No one tells you that parenting is just relearning the world through someone who thinks worms are friends.

— @maddierune

We’re seeing levels of vertical integration never seen before.

— @YIMBYLAND

“disciplined” motherfuckers will never understand the physical torment that folding the laundry has on a passionate motherfucker.

— @BasedBiohacker

Atlassian promotes at 10AM and lays someone off at 2PM.

— @adxtyahq

J’ai eu le droit à tout, florilège :

— @PessimismeActif

Bon, on va être clair. Vous auriez 2 choix d'appartements dans deux résidences.

— @lysdslavallee

Si par hasard on viendrait fouiller mes archives ici après ma mort pour prouver à quel point j'étais basé, j'aimerais alors que ce soit le plus clair possible pour tout le monde : J'encule Médiapart et j'encule la gauche sataniste, islamiste et pédocriminelle.

— @FakecelOriginel

not all of us were made to cook. some of us were made to have conversations with the person cooking.

— @femiiiszn

this girl was so impressed that i only got it on her face but she doesn't know how many hours i practiced.

— @rattecs

7 signs your body is living under high cortisol (& you don't realize it): 1. Waking at 3-4 AM.

— @matthew_labosco

how it feels to speak during a work meeting when u are under 30.

— @mak_aura

Had a parent-teacher conference this morning; My wife told me not to come; I came anyway; She said "please just listen and nod"; I said "I always listen"; She said "you listen like you're sitting in a boardroom looking for something to challenge"; That's how listening works; Nice.

— @alt_w_v_g

a jewish guy asked for my number i told him we use names now.

— @mary_got_grace

This guy likely has no idea that he's having suicidal thoughts.

— @FightWithMemes

Boss man sent me a 4:45 PM Friday invite titled "quick chat." I accepted, then proposed a new time of 8:00 PM. Wrote: "Apologies, buried today. Moved to a time that works for both of us." He declined. Corporate life is so easy when you're playing chess while others are playing.

— @alt_w_v_g

she hates me. but hate is a feeling, so she has feelings for me.

— @miiilato